MYSTERY OF VALENTINES

"Buy 1 get 2 free" deals are never that horrible like they are on Valentine's day. It's such a massive consumption fest; as if the more you get for your beloved, the more you love him/her. Many people know that does only show how much money you have in your pockets but they still keep buying expensive stuff 'just in case'.

I saw a young man yesterday carrying a massive Teddy-bear and two bouquets of flowers with a "buy one get second half-price" label on it. 

I heard on a metro two teenagers talking today. "What did your new bf give you on Valentine's day?" (another girl quickly listed things she got from him!) Oh that sounds nice.. he really loves you!"


But what if a man of your dreams cannot afford to buy you something expensive?

Looking back to my own Valentine's day experiences, as far as I remember it was never a good day of mine. When I was around 14-year-old that was perhaps the most fun times to celebrate such a ridiculous fest like this. Together with my classmates we made so much fun writing secret love letters for each other as well as for our young year crushes. We used to stick whole faces with those funny little heart-shaped stickers and made pictures of each other.  Then I was 15 though, things slightly changed. I'm not sure was it more because I started caring about having a boyfriend or just simply I wanted to feel older I've experienced an affair during Valentine's day. We were drinking before lessons and later during lessons as well and we were caught and written to police records. To appear on the school's notice board was an adventure at that time, so all in all I regretted nothing I think. 

I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers in the evening of 13th of February this year.
However, sitting nearly in the same place like I did last year, a painful memory popped up into my head. I remembered of something, I found that something and had a read through everything I've ever received and that all felt so bad.. Nearly like as if I've experienced that all again. (One more reason to hate this fest?) I've always been a memories keeper; I hardly open to other people but when I do so, it is so hard to take those people from head.. and sometimes from my heart. First love, love, love. What it's good for? Absolutely nothing. 

You are only young once

I overslept and missed my lectures today. Oh no, not again! However, must confess I did it in purpose, actually; I had such a lovely dream about me having amazing holidays, tasting gorgeous food from South America’s kitchen and, at the same time, kissing the man of my dreams very pleasantly. I wanted that all last forever…or at least another hour or two. Sometimes I wonder - why should we always do what we are supposed to do instead of doing or looking for creative ways of realization of something we really want to?

There are so many things I’d like to do, including..
traveling to the beautiful places somewhere around UK and also in other countries. Finding and getting an internship possibility somewhere in most amazing place ever, what I’m sure I’ll get someday soon,  meeting and getting inspiration from influential people and keep inspiring others too, get acting experience, go to the seaside much more often, spend as much time as possible with the beloved ones and keep dreaming about new different things. Instead of saying “I don’t have time”, which is absolutely true in most cases, I bare that wish in mind, keep writing about it in my reminder, keep adding a little note about it in my notebooks, papers, everywhere, so that I would  always see it and keep refreshing myself with this dream, so that I keep thinking about it that I want to do it so much and there are no big reasons why I shouldn’t try it once I get all the things organised on time.

Personal Fashion Memoir: "The Higher the Heel, the Closer to Heaven"

It started when I was a little girl gloating over the gorgeous dresses on the television screen, when I first saw Miss Universe beauty contest. For somebody else it would have been the actual dress, but for me it was more about that subtle and inspiring feminine walk, which my bittersweet memory muscled in on. I’ve always wanted to be that girl - confident and beautiful - ever since. I felt it was something about the footwear.  And now, I know, that it was all about the heels... 

by Raminta Paukstyte

Falling in love with them came gradually, though. Switching from the black leather steel toe boots to high-heels wasn’t easy for a 16-year-old-punk me. Something radical should have happened, but there was nothing - just a dramatic, ultimate fashion contradiction. I started attending a modelling school at the age of 16 and here the confession continues...

That was the first time in my life I was not sure what I was doing, but, I absolutely loved it. We were taught various things, including dancing, acting, posing, that helped me to obtain and develop self-confidence in the role of model, although I found catwalk lessons really challenging sometimes. In the very beggining, it was quite embarrassing to appear on a catwalk with such a confidence as if you were a diva (making sure everybody believed you actually were), while everyone was watching you, especially while other girls secretly laughed at me. 

I knew some of them did. There was even a reason for that. I was the only girl in the group who never stopped wearing military leather steel toe boots. The thing is, I never wanted to be the girl next door. I thought I’d rather look cool. I’m sure I did. 

I couldn’t tell anyone and kept hiding the fact that I was carrying heels with me to my classes, so that I wouldn’t lose, what I thought, was my own identity. That’s how my very first experience with high-heels started. Poorly and cautiously. 

"I couldn't tell anyone and kept hiding the fact that I was carrying heels with me to my classes, so that I wouldn't lose, what I thought, my own identity was"

I would never have guessed I would be soon running about the busy streets of one of the fashion capitals; running in circles from one metro to another, catching and breathing hot air from the buses. holding a map in my hands and, at the same time, having twelve-centimetre-high platform wedges on, when thermometer showed no less than 33 degress. That all happened after only a year.

I lived and worked as an assistant in a modelling agency in Milan. This city made my reinvention possible. Living there became an endless catwalk that worked even stronger than a scary mirror hall. It didn’t even matter that italians were already shorter without me even wearing heels. “I’m living in Milan“ - I kept repeating to myself.  I became aware of that and didn’t go back to my teenage look again. 

Now my boyfriend comments, with reproach, “Why do you nearly always wear heels?“ I know that on occasions like this I appear to be an inch taller than him. However, that doesn’t stop me wearing my beloved platform shoes. I love them... both. And why shouldn’t I? I am not yet Miss Universe, but I am, at least, confident and beautiful. 

Pretty Girl Dilemma: Would You Date Me, Beautiful?

written by Raminta Paukstyte

Pretty girls are the happiest girls in the world: they have the man and job of their dreams; they are the people everybody wants to be friends with. Until this very moment, when the success ends, love is gone and those “friends” seem happier than ever before. The only thing that left is to be an object of desire. It’s not that easy.

I’d never thought what exceptional are the lessons of life I can get working as a bartender. “Be careful, there are many men who will try to get into your pants”, whispered stranger once. “I know”, I remember, was my answer....

The truth is I don’t realise sometimes, how often I get much attention from men only because they think how pretty I am. Honestly, I give many efforts to believe that there might be more reasons, why they fancy me, but, unfortunately, there is usually nothing just that. You might think it is easier for me, but actually it is harder to know when somebody is saying that beyond the surface.

“But at least you get that attention, so shut up b*tch!”- is that something what you all are thinking about? Yes, I do get it, but do you really think this is what truly makes you feel happy? “Every time I come to this bar I fall in love with this girl.” “You’re beautiful.” “Thank you.” “You’re absolutely beautiful”. “Thank you!” “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Yes.” [Lying] “Please, smile!” “No. I don’t want to.” “Why?” “Because I am sad.” [Bartender. Is. Crying]. Why I was lying and why was the bartender crying?

That is far from enough to fulfil my expectations to meet a man of my dreams. Let’s blame fairytales and movies that make you think about “the happy end”. OK, talking about love, it doesn’t necessary have to be true. I consider my romance criteria (like any other girl I suppose?) rational if not mature, and this is what lets me down so much: that won’t last, and even being pretty can not handle with it.

People change, don’t they? I’d never guessed how ruthless I can become after hearing those compliments repeated for me all over again and again. Fake words, fake smiles, fake expectations, and fake people and fake me- I just can’t take it anymore.

It is so hard to believe in what people say. My “no” became stronger than ever before; I did not actually care much about the hurt looks on their faces. I stopped thinking of connivances at all. I relied on extremity instead. I stopped being myself for a while… The question here: was HE really worth THAT?

And only recently I decided to reorganize my thoughts about that by giving a chance for someone I like and started listen to my heart again. Feelings, you say? They are always here. “Love never change; those feelings are always here just they are transferred to another person”, a male friend says.

I am half-joking, of course, grasping so much from my own experience, as if it’s something nobody else have heard about and have never experienced. I know my personal life would not make the front-page news right now, but I believe there are many girls who might think: “Look at her, she is beautiful, life is much easier for her.” Think once again.

“Bartending life-school” keeps me refreshing. “Do you have a boyfriend? Would you go on a date with me?” [That person could be my grandfather. He looks really old. Cynic, random joke- isn’t it?] I disgusted so much of what was just being asked; tried to calm down and then again: “Would you date me? “[Pause] “I have money, you know…”

That just killed me. But this is something we should deal with.

Birthday Girl ♥

Have not much to say..I will definitely miss being 19! :(

Music Video Clip Featuring Me. Excited!

Quite long ago one idea topped into my head suddently: I wish I could be on a music video someday..But I've never thought that this dream can come true so soon! you can watch this video here

It was all what I wanted, but I've lost it.. somehow

No matter how hard the task may seem. Don't give up your plans, don't give up your dreams. No broken bridges, can turn us around,cause what we're searchin' for, will soon be found.

 You never know how strong and/but at the same time weak you may appear.

Another fashion shoot! "Why do all good things come to and end?"

When you find someone you really love, you should never let them go, no matter what.. 

  

About the shoot:

Photographer: Dave Emmerson

Where: Newcastle, Uited Kingdom

I've never guessed that wearing 4-5 sizes' bigger than usualy blouse could be so fun! That  was uk size 16.   Monsoon. Weather was just perfect. But I ended up my day wet anyway, because that was raining in Sunderland when I came back from Newcastle  and plus the bus (yes, the bus, that was funny that day when I came to metro station it was written:"no metro service today" , that was the first time  I had to go there by bus.) so it stopped not near where I needed.

About the feelings that inspired the shoot:

Some people have no idea (have they?) how important for somebody they might be.

This is my summer 2011; album, which will slowly be filled with every single photo inspired by feelings for you.

Not much needs to be added. Interpret it as you like. It is always true.

Holidays with food! ♥ (photography portfolio)

 

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  Let me introduce you to my new roommates- Mejing Zhang (Helen), 23 and Ximeng Zhang (Eileen), 24. They're both in their master's degree studying HR. They have just moved to live together with me on 7th of April and since then we spend our free-time together. Cooking time- not an exception.  We even have settled a timetable for us to know who's turn to cook; that was very sudden but an interesting idea, what we continue to follow nearly one month now.   

 

 

There are some interesting things about my roommates eating habits I had to get used to. Firstly, whatever they eat, there's always a separate little&lovely bowl with rise and plus they use chopsticks, doesn't matter how impossible that mission sometimes may look. Everything was so new and unusual first to be honest,  which is why probably it even tasted nicer. I was struggling using chopsticks when I first tried, but I'm getting used to it now. Their special rise cooking equipment- a massive rise making machine is worth mentioning too. It takes a lot of space in our little but  lovely kitchen, but I'd never complain about that as I guess it's a very important thing for them two- Eileen even brought it from China. 

I've never guessed that cooking could be such a delight. Presenting food as an art and making  photographs of how it looks like in the plate before eating has become one more little habit that we follow altogether. Experimenting with food, new products  and spicy, sometimes exotic sauces enriched our holidays leaving a very happy stomach. thank you, girls ♥

Noonday in the park :]

 

 

 

 

  

Murray Park, Sunderland

I could spend hours in the park when it's such a nice weather.

 Even though winter left north-east England long ago, it only recently the real feeling of spring has arrived!:)

Bright colorful flowers,  fresh air brought me lots of joy. I feel full of optimism and fresh ideas.
Special thanks for my friend Ai, who shared four lovely hours with me. God bless ya! ;D

                                                                                      xx

Sunday pleasures!

'New Look' blouse from a local charity shop- 3£!

*I must proud of myself- I practiced Shorthand. Enjoyed!

  

I was lying (in my bed or/and on the floor) for hours! 

'New Look' Knit wear sweater, about 20£ with a student discount

*I colored my nails funny!

  

 

*I ensured myself, (after making few pics of full height; I don't have such a huge mirror to see it all) that one dress is really far too short for me, even for a summer/beach. I have to return it to the store (I bought  without trying it on, ups;D)

(The camera wasn't focused properly but I didn't pay much attention to that)

 *I  read/looked thought some stuff I had per new or totally new

*And, most importantly, I had one of my favorite dishes today! (for  breakfast) 

 Pancake with sausage (english people call them hotdogs and keep them in this kind of jar/glass bottle, how bad is that?? :D),

 (When I first moved to England and they showed me these sausages I thought they are kidding- looks disgusting! ) 

with cheese and ketchup inside of it. And also few tomato slices, fresh english lettuce and apple juice. Love Sundays.

Hope you all enjoyed your Sundays too! ♥♥

  with love,
Raminta Paukštytė

I was a monster twice

On Friday I must have looked like a monster: camera's tripod on my one shoulder,
video camera and microphone- on the other; camera- hanging on my neck; all the stuff for going to Newcastle to do my research
(I didn't because it was written online- "heavy rain" on Saturday in Newcastle :D)

Anyway, carrying all that stuff on me, I maximized my 'Monster Look' and did some shopping
(bought some vegetables in the market and something from tesco),
which ended with Raminta carrying two bags more.

I managed how to use Uni's tripod btw! It wasn't snowing in Sunderland; however in most other cities it was.
It was still cold outside so I did it for short & 4fun actually and later on at home while cheking the photos I
took outside was sooo funny! I was clearly too tall for a tripod, my head didn't fit and I looked like a monster again,hahahah:DDDDDDD

  

 I had also fun shooting for my portfolio 'Student Style' on Friday (special thanks for the models, they were awesome!)
Portfolio will be ready soon  :)